Twenty Pieces is a discipline of saying yes and saying no. I am at this moment yet again.
Last night I was at my bi-weekly meeting of creative entrepreneurial women. We call it The Live Group ( I occasionally call us the Livers because I think I’m so funny.) There are four of us in our group and we talk about everything from finances to dating to deep soul stuff. A part of what we do for each other is help each other discern growth steps for our lives. It looks something like this.
Hi, I’m Julie, I have a scarcity mentality.
This shows up all over the stinkin’ place! As a result, I have developed skills of maximization that should have landed me my own reality show by now. But it also lands me in places of feeling stuck, lonely, fearful, apprehensive, and insecure. As I was sharing some of the specific ways this manifests in my life with my group, one of the members said, hey, I wonder if your discipline for the next week is to go out and buy yourself a dress. I looked at her like, huh? Haven’t you heard about this amazing blog called The Twenty Pieces Project. Yeah yeah, I know, she said, but I wonder if the greater good would be you going out and buying a dress. This came out of a desire to see my treat myself kindly and feel beautiful. Really? I thought I was doing Twenty Pieces to break the habit of seeing clothes as a means to feeling beautiful. I am not convinced that the suggestion is the best course of action, but she asked me to sit with it, so I am, and I am going to do this with you all, the Twenty Piece readers.
Here are some details I am pondering.
1) I don’t believe the greatest good is my living outside the Twenty Piece commitment and ground rules.
2) I wrote an article a while back about all the stuff that’s falling apart. There are at least two items I could justifiably replace. It would be a risk to replace them with a dress as one of the items is a cardigan and the other is a maxi dress (you know the one I sometimes wear as pajamas? That one.)
3) I am tempted by wanting something new. This makes me suspicious.
4) I am enticed my the season change and thinking it would be a great time to make any replacement purchases. We locked in on January 1, which is just about the worst time to make clothing choices given the kinds of clothes out and their non-sale prices. Made me cringe!
5) I still have money, but don’t have money. Like I said, in my last article, I broke even last month, but that happens about half the time. I mostly dip into savings. I get worried when I think about January, but I know that it is a sin to think about my bank account in January.
6) I think I am avoiding replacing because I am now so much more in-tune with quality and what works for me, I would not be content with a cheap dress. That means that in replacing a piece, I am throwing down some significant cash that I might need in January!
7) Ugg, did I mention January?
Love to hear your thoughts.
Honestly, just reading the details you’re pondering stressed me out! (Sorry, that’s a very self-centered response!)
I guess what I heard are emotional reactions and stress that don’t sound like they’re about the dress at all. And, if they’re not about the dress, how would buying the dress impact them?
I don’t know if this would be helpful, but there’s a stress management tool I learned from Laurel Mellin’s work (www.ebt.org). She calls it “emotional housecleaning.” It can be about a specific situation or just life in general. You complete the following statements:
I feel ANGRY that… (anything and everything that you’re mad about)
I feel sad that…
I feel afraid that…
I feel guilty that I…
Then the opposite:
I feel grateful that…
…happy…
…secure…
…proud that I…
By itself, this activity doesn’t change anything, but it usually leaves me feeling uplifted and clearer about where I’m at.
Julie, remind me what the big deal is about January? The end of the challenge? The beginning of the 13 pieces challenge? Or you expect to run out of savings them? Knowing why jANUARY is so huge for you might help us advise!
That said, my initial response would be that you should replace those two pieces you mentioned. Whether a dress would be best for you right now I’m not sure, but something would probably be wise.
I should have been more clear. January is the month that I will run out of money apart from a significant change in my income. That said. there are several kettles on the stove that are almost boiling, but there are not guarantees that they will. So my whole dilemma rests on the fact that I have savings, but by buying anything, I will be dipping into that savings that I might need in January. Uggg. I can hear the tangle of worry in my words. I feel like I am at a crossroads of being content with less or taking a big risk and taking more.
Don’t buy that dress! That would be so contraproductive, I think! Especially if you are running out of money. You will need to buy some new and good items to carry you through you 13 pieces year. But don’t buy sth just to make you feel better. Drink a nice cup of tea, go running, take a nice smelling bath, meet friends. Anything that’s for free. I really find it amazing and brave how you manage to go on with what you want to do in such a situation. I gave up my old freelance job cause I couldn’t cope with the fear of getting sick, my computer breaking down… and me not having money to keep me going.
“…Hi, Julie…”
Hi, my name is Kim, and I also have a scarcity mentality.
Here’s the thing, I don’t know about you, but I conserve and live simply (sometimes) because it allows me to savor glimpses of beauty, and contemplate the benefits of gratitude and contentment. But usually, I conserve because I am trying to control the future and I’m afraid that without my thoughtful diligence, God will forget that I have rent to pay and that I get hungry every three hours.
Now, by seeing this in myself do I immediately open my heart and wallet? Um, no. But I write this as my way of admitting that for me, buying the dress would, indeed, be a spiritual discipline. I agree with your fellow…liver.
Love you, friend